Tales Of The Unexpected Randomness!
by i lv Edward
Summary: Loads of random One-shots. Any ideas welcome. Reveiws wanted. Flamers Welcome. Rated T just in case. I suck at summeries just read and see if you like! :P
1. Intro

**Tales Of The Unexpected... randomness! : P**

_Ok this is just going to be a load of random one-shot random stories. ALL TWILIGHT RELATED!!! WOOO! If you have any ideas that you want me to write about then please give them to me. You will get full credit! Promise!!! OK I hope you enjoy the first story of Tales Of The Unexpected... Randomness!!! LV all you readers!!! Don't forget to review and post yr ideas to me!_


	2. Chapter 1

_OK first proper chapter. Thought of this during maths cause I was bored! LOL enjoy!_

B POV

I was sitting in the lounge reading Wuthering heights for the umpteenth time when a small pixie like creature came in muttering something that sounded something like "Unfashionable, spots mumble, mumble" Even with my super cool amazing vampire hearing, I couldn't make it out.

"Alice are you feeling ok??"

"What do you think?!!!!!!!"

"Um I'm hedging my bets as no."

"Darn Tooten' "

"Ok now I know something is wrong. Wuzzup, my sister from another mister??"

"It's MR. BLOBBY!! HE'S SOOOO UNFASHIONABLE!!!! Why does he have to be those particular colours? They don't go!" She screeched at me. _**(A/N To all you people that don't know who Mr. Blobby is there is a pic of him in my profile)**_

I just rolled my eyes at her. She gave me the evil little pixie look and I was really scared. I wandered into the kitchen to tell Esme all about it, but I found her making a feast of disgusting smelling human food.

"ESME!" I yelled over the clang of pots and pans "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"

"WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE HONEY? I'M COOKING!!!" She yelled back just as loudly.

"YEH I CAN SEE THAT! BUT WHY??"

"BECAUSE I INVITED SHAKESPEARE, MOZART AND EINSTEIN OVER FOR TEA."

"WHAT?! ESME YOU DO REALISE THEY 'RE DEAD DON'T YOU?"

"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT HONEY; THEY'RE AS ALIVE AS YOU OR ME. SORRY HONEY I WOULD LOVE TO CHAT WITH YOU, BUT THEY SAID THEY WOULD ONLY COME IF I MADE A BANQUET FIT FOR 100 KINGS, SO I'VE GOT TO GET CRACKING!"

I sometimes think that I'm the only sane one around here. I exited the kitchen only to find that Carlisle had stolen my spot on the sofa and had turned the Flintstones on the TV. He seemed to be drooling over something.

"Wilma," he muttered, "Why do you have to be so damn sexy."

"So Carlisle, fantasizing over Wilma now are we?" I smirked making him jump.

"AH Bella, I didn't s-s-see you there!" He stuttered "I happen to think that she is rather attractive, yes." Jasper came down the stairs at that point, just in time to hear Carlisle say this.

"I thought we had something" he sobbed. He turned around and ran back up the stairs in a very campish way.

"JASSSSSPERRRRRR!!!! WAAAAAIT!!!!! I LOVE YOU TOO!!!" Carlisle shouted after him.

I suddenly decided to go and see what my love Edward was up to. He usually was outside admiring his beloved Volvo. I swear he loves that thing more than me!! When I got to the garage I was shocked. Rosalie was sitting in a hot pink Volvo with Edward and he was shaving off her blonde curls! The thing that really shocked me was that they both seemed perfectly happy about it. The last time Rosalie painted his car hot pink, he tried to rip her head off. It took the combined efforts of Carlisle, Jasper and Emmett to restrain him. He already had a fire burning.

When I turned around to go back inside, I found Emmett standing right behind me wearing traditional English detective clothing, complete with pipe and cap.

"Emmett! What the HELL do you think you are doing?!" I was now losing patience with my wacky family.

"For your information, little sister," He pronounced with incredible grammar for a person with half a brain cell "I am looking into the mystery of how all my Mr. Blobby teddies have mysteriously changed into fashionable (he shuddered at the word) colours! You wouldn't know anything about it now would you?" he probed.

"I suspect Alice knows something." I said wearily. I then strolled into the woods for a bit of hunting, to calm me down before I re-entered the world of idiots.

_**Hope you all liked it! Remember reviews make my day! (Even if you say you hate it!) Please review!!**_


	3. Chapter 3

HEY! I'm really upset! I have had 27 people read it but not one review!!!!! Please review! I'll be your friend! I wanna know if you actually like it or if you think its crap! Please, PlEaSe PLEASE!!!!!!!!!! Any member of twilight/new moon/ eclipse/breaking dawn will come and visit you and give you a huge hug and hang with you for a week!!!!! Come on you can't get any better than that! Please review!!


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